Lov3AcrossThePond Podcast

Comparison in Relationships

• Lov3AcrossThePond • Season 1 • Episode 7

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Ever wondered what your spirit animal says about you? In this episode of Love Across the Pond, we start with a whimsical journey into our own spirit animals—a dragon, a narwhal, and a bird—offering a fun peek into our personalities and life stories. From there, we dive into the heart of the matter: the pitfalls and perks of comparison in relationships. You'll hear personal tales of navigating monogamous breakups and the nuances of non-monogamy, shedding light on how comparison can either clarify emotions or limit our perspectives. Whether you're in a romantic relationship or nurturing friendships, we explore how understanding the 'why' behind our comparisons can help us cherish the unique traits each person brings into our lives.

But that's not all. We also tackle the broader landscape of relationship dynamics, from the trials of balancing multiple partners in polyamory to the red flags in monogamy that can't be ignored. Ever felt inadequate next to a successful sibling or wondered how to grow from comparing yourself to others? You’ll find wisdom here inspired by Matthew McConaughey’s Oscar speech and stories of personal growth. We discuss different types of intimacy, the hard work behind maintaining relationships, and how self-comparison can be a powerful tool for growth. This episode is packed with insights to help transform your approach to both personal development and relationships, making it a must-listen for anyone seeking to better understand themselves and others.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to Love Across the Pond podcast. This is episode seven. We are very excited to be here with you today. My name is Ali Hendry my pronouns are she, her and I live in Brighton, on the south coast of England, in the UK.

Speaker 2:

Hey all I'm Lena. I'm in the southern US, in Tennessee, and I use pronouns she, they.

Speaker 3:

US and Tennessee, and I use pronouns she, they. Hello everyone, I'm Kenzie Wilcox, my pronouns are she and her, and I'm right, smack dab in the middle of the country in good old Minnesota. Well, welcome back everyone. We're so excited to be here, so excited to be in each other's presence and energy and it sounds like I'm just going to start us off with a question and energy, and it sounds like I'm just going to start us off with a question.

Speaker 3:

So if you could be a spirit animal, what would it be? I'll go. The first thing that came in was a dragon, which is just the weirdest thing, because normally my go-tos are elephants, but a dragon came in and the colors are red and orange and let me tell you, she sparkles like the sun and flies over everything, and it can be ferocious and very just when she needs to be, and then also very loving and kind and amorous, and so she's just this beautiful blend of duality, of what it means to be the feminine creature, just like enveloping, you know, all of these big, bright and beautiful things, but also that mama bear energy as well.

Speaker 2:

Oh, I love that. I would probably be something that no one knew existed and was real. I'd be like a narwhal because everyone's like wait, that's a real thing. So I'd probably be like that because a lot of people when they find out about my story and like my mental diagnoses and all that stuff, they're like wait, I didn't even know this was like a thing. I feel like I hear that so much. I didn't know that was real. I thought that was made up or only in movies or something like that. So that'd probably be what I would.

Speaker 1:

I would be oh, my goodness, I first of all I thought about a lioness, because I've just got back into running and I was running like a slow lioness today conserving her energy. But then I was thinking but I love my flying dreams, so I want to be a bird. I want to be some kind of bird, something called the murmurations which are when these birds fly over the sea in a beautiful kind of formation and everybody is reliant on everybody in in the, in the flock. But it's just so beautiful and amazing. You're, you're kind of your individual and you're part of a team. So either of those are two great question. Thank you, kenzie. Welcome now.

Speaker 1:

I forgot to say at the beginning I think what we're talking about today we are talking about comparison. Yes, Today's topic is comparison, and the reason I wanted to talk about comparison is I've written an article about it in Diva magazine for August, september 2024. And it's kind of started from moving into non-monogamy and having that situation where I've got two relationships at the same time with different people, and I mean comparison comes in loud and clear and says, oh, this person does this and this person does that, and so it kind of got me thinking. So the way that I have used comparison in the past has been to help me untangle the ending of a relationship. I remember one particular relationship where I listed we just split up. We were still living together. She had had an affair with somebody that she worked with, so every morning I would have to see her go off to work and knew that this other person was there, and so we had a few months together before we could separate out of the living situation. So it wasn't great. And so in my diary I was writing lists and lists of things that, things that my ex-girlfriend wasn't, the things that I wanted from a relationship, and it really helped me. So there was a big old comparison in going on there in terms of you're not this, you're not that, I wanted this, I wanted that, and it sort of helped me unattach myself a little bit from. Unfortunately, she found the list which was, um, not great because it was character assassination, annoying habits, body stuff that she had insecurities. It was horrible. It was horrible, helped me, didn't help her, didn't really help. Uh, easing out of that relationship.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and then and that was a monogamous relationship, and then sort of fast forward a fair few years, um, coming into the non-monogamy side of things and being in that throuple and and I think we, if you're, if you're monogamous, then I think you can still use this example in terms of your friendships, because we have different people for different things in our lives. When it comes to friendships, you know, you've got that one who is consistent and attentive and always there, but you don't speak to them for months and months. And then you've got that other one who these are examples who is there every day for you but maybe isn't as attentive because they're there for you every day. So you compare right and that sort of helps you in some kind of ways. But when we delve into why we actually compare, it is a cognitive bias. It stops us exploring the context and keeps us looking at those narrow areas. So we forget that of course that person's different because they're a completely different human. Of course that person gives me this because they draw out something in me that the other person doesn't draw out. So it's just this bias that kind of fine-tunes our brains into going we'll just pinpoint and look at that.

Speaker 1:

Um, so what else do I want to say, uh, yeah, so there might, it might be. For example, if you're looking at your current partner and an ex-partner, you might be thinking, oh, actually, they're not as demonstrative, my current partner isn't as demonstrative as my ex was, and that cognitive bias will fine tune in on particular areas instead of panning back. And if you pan back, you might see that actually, well, it's a different dynamic. Obviously, we're two different people in a different dynamic. We talked about love languages in a previous episode. It might be that they have different love languages from your ex-partner. It could be that for both of you right now, life is more stressful, and so the thing that's dropping off at the moment is the demonstrative side, so we forget to see the context in which we're in. So it's interesting in relationships to think about. Why am I focusing on what that person's not instead of what they are? Because, as we know that wonderful phrase, where focus goes, energy flows. And I just wanted to talk about one other thing around comparison as well, and why we compare. And then I've got a couple of questions for the two of you.

Speaker 1:

Comparison keeps us safe. Measuring that polarity of better or worse can actually protect us in some situations. Sometimes it can lead us down a dark alleyway into something that doesn't exist and take us in a you know down areas that we don't need to be going down, that aren't particularly useful, they're not particularly serving the relationship but essentially it. It can be there to keep us safe. And I think where comparison can show up quite acutely sometimes is at the beginning of a relationship, where you're doing the firsts the first time you have sex, the first time you have an argument, the first time you go to a comedy show and that person isn't laughing in the way that you're exited. Those kinds of firsts can really highlight that comparison piece.

Speaker 1:

I think and because we're using binaries here, they're pitting themselves against each other that you've got past experience, you've got society, you've got social media, all those things coming into play and saying, oh, you need to compare this with that and it can be useful and it can not be useful. And today, when we talk about comparison, I want to look at the useful stuff and the unuseful stuff, because there's been a few quotes around comparison Comparison is the thief of joy or comparison is the death of joy. You might have heard those two quotes, depending on which person you're listening to, and I disagree. I think there's some areas that we can look at that can serve us. So and, of course, I was thinking about what's the opposite of comparison, and I think the opposite of comparison is individuality. So these are the questions when has comparison served you? And this can be in any kind of relationship, when you think about any relationships, romantic, familial work, any sort of relationship that you've had or you've currently got. Where do you think that comparison has served you? And I think for me.

Speaker 1:

I was reflecting on my friendships, and I have four friends who are, I would consider, my kind of inner circle, and I was just thinking about one of my friendships and this, this person. They. There was no reason for us to be friends, really, because we had very different backgrounds, very different upbringings, very different interests, and yet there was something, and I'm glad we continued with our friendship, because what this person gives me is is a daily commitment to shared gratitude and affirmations every single day. For the last two year and a half might even be two years Now we've shared this daily commitment and, uh, to gratitude and affirmations on a, on a text message, and and yet, when I look back, that comparison piece could have said to me what? There's no point in what you've got nothing in common with this person, and yet we've developed it. So I think for me that's, that's my example. What about you two?

Speaker 3:

the first thing that came to mind where it has served you was our nanny daycare situation, um, where our we are starting an in-home daycare right now for roosie doozy, um, our youngest, who is three, and we moved up here three years ago and so, like we just obviously don't know anyone and where we came from before. Everyone knows everybody and their great aunt and uncle, right, but our older daycare provider, where we used to live, by comparison in a very good way, is a lot like our new one 36 years experience, just use the same type of language and everything like that. So like that comparison worked out, really, really well.

Speaker 3:

But actually, allie, when you were talking about like, oh my friendship, we have nothing in common. Why are we doing this? And it just you worked at it and it blossomed, oh my God, it made me think of us three, like we do have our core values and beliefs to a certain extent in common because of our coaching abilities and our love for people and making a difference in the world. But other than that, it is like night, day, dawn, everything in between, everything in between, and it has been such a pleasure and an honor working with the two of you and developing our podcast and developing our marketing brand and our strategy and everything else that comes between it of like. This is how Allie's mind and heart works. This is how Lena's mind and heart works. This is how my mind and heart works.

Speaker 3:

How can we have this beautiful blend? Come together and create something so just phenomenal. So by comparison and where it served us of like, oh my gosh, we have nothing in common. It's like holy shit, it's this, so that would be my answer.

Speaker 1:

I love it, thank you that would be my answer.

Speaker 2:

I love it, thank you. You know, for me, I've always looked at comparison as a bad thing. There's a book called Comparisonitis that I read, and I love it because comparison has always shown up in a really toxic way. For me, being raised by a narcissist, that would make sense too, because when you compare yourself to someone else or you compare one person to another, it was always in a negative way For me.

Speaker 2:

Fresh out of a relationship, I am learning that comparison can be used used between partners to find what I need and to find my own value and self-worth. Because if, for instance, one partner is really good at communicating and the other one will not communicate with you, that allows me to see that I need communication. In order to feel safe in a relationship, I need to be able to communicate freely and effectively and comfortably. So for me, I would say, being able to compare relationships with others and then also with myself, allows me to see where do I value myself, where do I need to do that more and you know where, in general just, am I getting my needs met or not?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, love that. Thank you both of you. And if you're listening to this, have a think about how your views were of comparison and whether they're starting to change as you work through this podcast with us. So when has comparison this is a second question when has comparison done a number on you romantically? Um so, thinking about your romantic relationships, current or past when has that comparison piece really done a number on you?

Speaker 1:

And I think when I was putting together today's podcast and I was thinking about, the opposite of comparison is individuality. It did take me back to a particular relationship, that where I was in a relationship with two different people and I found it very hard to set and they were, we were all paired off. So it was. It was a throuple in terms of we had individual relationships in those pairings and also we had time together with the three of us and I think I didn't spend enough time working out who, what those separate pairings were and how they um interacted with each other. So I think comparison did a number on me because I was not able to see those individual partnerships outside of the others the other person that was involved and I think I would do that differently now. So that's what came up for me. What about for you two?

Speaker 2:

I can go next if you're okay with it, kinsey? Um, I think for me it is the fact that there was a point where I didn't want to compare anyone and because of that I was willing to accept a lot less than what I deserved, because I just chalked every little red flag up to well, they're not the same person, well're different. Well, it's supposed to be different. Because I didn't want to come in to polyamory. I mean, it's been years now but I didn't want to come in and be like everyone else who just thought I didn't want to. I don't want to be the person who just thought everyone was going to be the same, that everything was going to be perfect and that it was all just going to work great.

Speaker 2:

You know, I didn't want to be oblivious to reality. I wanted to come in and say, okay, this could be really challenging, so what is it? And so I thought if I came in with this idea of I'm not going to compare anyone and it's okay if my partners don't all meet my needs, it's fine. And I was so wrong because I was left wanting so much more than I got and so disappointed. And, honestly, it was my own damn fault because I was the one who showed up with these expectations of whatever, like that's my fault and so by not doing it, I, honestly, I hurt myself.

Speaker 3:

I didn't get what I deserved yeah, thank you yeah, that, um, thank you so much for sharing that vulnerable piece of you. That's incredibly difficult and incredibly hard. Um, I'm I'm not poly. Um, I am in a monogamous relationship, but with that um, I also find myself in the couple of episodes before we talked about the different types of intimacy, right, and so, with any with my husband's relationship, he does, thankfully, fill all those buckets, which I totally understand. That is not how all relationships work, but we have had to work extremely, extremely, extremely hard on all of those buckets together and especially the spiritual side. Since I do claim that I am an intuitive right, I started telling him all of these messages and things that I see and hear and everything, and I'm like I'm just going to show you my true colors. Thankfully or not, thankfully, I didn't do it right off the bat, but I think you probably would have thought I don't even know what I would have thought but the clinker is that I did start sharing those huge, like vulnerable, moments of like my you know, of my soul, of my psyche, of my being, and saying like, do you see this? This is why I'm thinking about this. Here is the validation that when I asked for this sign, here it is. I can't make this shit up and so it's sharing that side. And so when it's comparison, I look for new relationships or other relationships that fill those buckets of intimacy as well. If you don't fill up any of those buckets, that's fine. It's just we're not going to be nearly as close as either I want to be or you want to be Not romantically, because obviously I'm monogamous, but that's okay. That's okay. That just means that we're not meant to be.

Speaker 3:

And so when I first started dating Matthew, it was a lot of that arduous work of kind of like massaging out all of these different types of things. And you know, I was this huge like dreamer and everything, and he's this grounded energy, so coming together, even like to this day of like my dreams are here, and we had this conversation and crying fest. Even like to this day of like my dreams are here, and we had this conversation and crying fast, actually like two days ago, of I'm so sick of always being the one to like dream so big and I want to do this and I want to do that, and then, bless your heart, you're the ones that said, well, what about the finances, what about this and what about that? I'm like it drives me nuts. But I understand that's what you bring in and that's how you process and this is how I process, and so when we meet in the middle it becomes like both of our dreams together.

Speaker 3:

But it's still so hard. You guys have always being that big hearted, that big dreamer and then being like, well, great, there goes another 50K. It's like is that all you think about? So, in comparison, it is really, really hard because I'm comparing myself to him, of why can't I be along those lines of thinking of like pragmatic, right Is the only word that's coming in. I am not very pragmatic. First one to tell you that he is and that's what he brings in.

Speaker 3:

So when it comes to comparison in the romantic field, it's just like oh shit, why can't I think like this? It's like, oh, my love, it's because you're not supposed to, that's not your thing, and that's okay, that's okay. So it's looking in the mirror and loving yourself with all of your big, beautiful flaws. And they're not even flaws, right, they're just joys and they're opportunities of just communication and joyfulness and stuff like that. So it's trying to switch that mindset of comparing versus like what am I lacking? It's like, oh, baby girl, nothing, you are not lacking a thing. You're actually bringing so much more to the table, and it allows the other person to be their authentic selves as well. So it's like such a mind game, you guys Such a mind game.

Speaker 3:

It really is.

Speaker 1:

Oh, I love that, and also shout out to Matthew for the support he has given us on this podcast and getting us on the platforms, so his skills have been much appreciated by all of us, yeah, great. So I'm going to quote some things from one of my favorite authors. He's called David Rico and you might know his. I think his most famous book was how to Be an Adult in Relationships. I think his most famous book was how to Be an Adult in Relationships. He's a transpersonal psychotherapist, which I love because it goes into the therapy side and it also goes into the spiritual side, and there are also lots of things he uses in his books that us coaches use. So it's a lovely blend, I think. And the book that I wanted to just quote from is a book called Daring to Trust is a book called Daring to Trust, and I think some of the things that we talk about in the psychological space can feed into this comparison topic. And I was thinking, as I was putting this today, not today a couple of days ago, when I was putting this together and just flicking through books. I don't know how you two put things together, but I'm just like right, let me look at books. Let me pick up a book, let me see what comes to me, let me see what phrase. And the book fell open on transference and I was like, yes, so transference the way that David Rico describes it is? He says it's a psychological term that can be used to describe the triggering of childhood issues in an adult relationship. He says we transfer our feelings towards a person from the past onto someone in the present. And I was thinking, well, this is all comparison stuff and actually feeds into some of the things and the types of conversations we had when we were talking about attachment theory in one of our previous episodes. It sounds like comparison could feature within that. So he says we may place our trust in someone because of transference. Maybe they evoke the sense of safety and security we felt in the past. Then we interpret it that we have found the right person which can serve us very well. However, also proceed with caution because he says, until we tease out the connection to the past and experience the person as themselves, we do not know whether they are the person for us. And that really spoke to me and that I mean universe gave me that because the page fell open and I do love this book, daring to Trust. So I'm thinking about other areas of our lives. In what other areas of your lives have you found there is healthy comparison?

Speaker 1:

And I mentioned earlier about running. This is I ran for years and years. I did loads of half marathons 10, 10ks, 5ks absolutely loved it. And then I stopped a couple of years ago when menopause kicked in because I thought, oh, I wonder what's going to happen to my joints, and so I changed my movement program and I've just come back to it because of my SIBS, my SIBS. We've decided that we're going to work on a race together. We've raced independently, 've done, um, half marathons and, yeah, we've done half marathons together independently. So I've run with my sister, I've run with my brother, but we haven't all, and they've run with each other. We haven't all done one together. And so comparison is great because we chat every week. We, you know, we've got a set time and a place that we chat every week and we've and I said to them last week, we've become that person where we're just fanning about running all the time and we're comparing how, where have you gone, what are you doing, how much have you done. And it's motivating because there is a bit of sibling rivalry. We're all in our 50s. I'm in the middle child, so there's two years up for my brother and three years down for my sister, so we could feasibly all be and we're all running a similar. Well, I'm not at the moment, but when I'm up to scratch we would all be running at a similar rate. So comparison it's been fun actually, uh, and healthy, yeah. So what about for you two in other areas of your life?

Speaker 3:

oh, I can go, Lena, if you don't mind. Same thing with my sister. We're eight months apart, seven adopted children I'm the youngest and she's the sixth and every time I'm with her she makes me feel so much more confident and just so much more of myself of, and just so much more of myself of, um, like it's okay to be yourself Like this. This is, you know, this is exactly where you're meant to be. And you know, don't take any rough McGruff from anyone. And she just like embodies this.

Speaker 3:

Ever, you know, ever since we were little, she has always used her voice in such a positive way. Um, and so when I'm with her, it just like transfers from her to me. And then same thing with her healthy eating habits, y'all Her eating is just out of this world. And so I'm like, oh, I need to reset, I need to go hang out with my sissy, and like, within a day or two, I'm making more smoothies and freaking hate salad, but I'm making more smoothies and you know, doing more of those types of things. So it's like yes yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 2:

So I totally get it beautiful oh, I don't like any of my siblings so I can't relate. But can you ask the question again?

Speaker 1:

yeah it. It's that healthy comparison piece, and it could be any. It doesn't have to be attached to a human, even it could be something that you do for yourself. So what area of your life have you found there is healthy comparison?

Speaker 2:

I think it's my mental health.

Speaker 2:

I think it's my personal growth from healing from trauma, from abusive relationships with my family, um, being able to look back even just six months ago, everything that's going on right now so many people wouldn't take care of an ex the way that I'm willing to, and I'm really fucking proud of myself for that, because that shows who I am and it shows a big middle finger to my mom, who tries to tell everyone how horrible of a human I am, and I love that.

Speaker 2:

But looking back six months ago and I don't know that I would have done the same six months ago, because six months ago I wasn't who I am today. And so looking at myself and comparing who I am today to who I was even yesterday helps me continue to get better every day. It also helps me remember that I've been through a lot, I've done a lot, I've overcome a lot and when I have a hard moment, I can still love myself even through those hard moments, because I've been through so many other hard moments and came out even better. So why wouldn't I love myself through this one? You know, and imagine if I didn't love myself through that hard moment, how much better I'm gonna come out if I did love myself through this hard moment.

Speaker 1:

Yes, oh and yeah, and it's sort of leading actually into the last question that I wanted to ask on this podcast, and then I've just got a little bit of a summary and we will find out what each of our takeaways are, and we'd love to know what your takeaways are as well. Please do share with us. So last question what would you now? Yeah, what would you tell your teenage self about comparison? And the reason I'm saying this is because I'm living with a teenager and so I'm acutely aware and being reminded of my teenage years and how they showed up and how they're showing up for my teenager.

Speaker 1:

So what would you tell your teenage you about comparison? And I think I would say babes, it's pointless, it's pointless, it's totally pointless. Be you, you have so much to give the world. You have so much to give the world. And I was listing these things, I was thinking what kindness, humour, creativity, self-sufficiency, bravery you have those things. You don't need to spend time on that comparison piece. Be you, yeah, what about you two? What would you tell your teenager about teenage self, about comparison?

Speaker 3:

same thing, same thing. Right, it's pointless. And um, growing up we had, you know, a physician and a nurse and um, another doctor. So, long story short, all of my siblings the majority of them, excuse me, had trajectories. And I'm just like, I have a smile, I, you know, I, people are drawn to me.

Speaker 3:

Great, that's great sales skills and ability, but like that's it. So, growing up, I was always comparing myself to my siblings of like, well, they are on these great big paths and I'm just like. But now I look back and it's like, oh my love, you have so many beautiful, talented gifts that aren't even tapped in yet and they're raw in your teenage years and you just need to keep nurturing them and just keep being you and letting your light shine. And so same thing with you like, just keep being brave, keep being yourself, like your true path will illuminate. And also, there isn't one true path for one person. There's many, many differentia. To go to tiny town, minnesota, to do something small, it's like you are meant for greatness and you will, and you are yeah, that's really beautiful.

Speaker 2:

Um, I would go a little bit of a different way, because teenage me was too hurt to trust even future me, so I would instead ask myself a question and I would say how is this serving you? Because, allie, you have taught me today that there is a benefit in comparing myself to myself, to others, in ways that I've never really given space and time to think about. And so instead I would ask myself to others in ways that I've never really given space and time to think about, and so instead I would ask myself how is this serving you? I wasn't always willing to trust other people, but I was always willing to find the best opportunity to make things better, and so I think that in that moment, that question would have given me enough space to recognize that there is a way that I can turn my comparing myself in into something powerful and and serving yeah, right now.

Speaker 1:

So, um, yes, I just wanted to do a quick summary. Intimacy episode, please. People, it's great. This is because both the past and the present hold out the chance to receive what we yearn for. And then he goes through this list, which I think is a beautiful list, he says, and they all begin with A attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection and being allowed and encouraged to be who we are.

Speaker 1:

And one question again that came up out of just opening the page and having a look through this book and I'm paraphrasing how he'd mentioned it, but I think I'm applying it to comparison and it is is, and this is a question for people to think about. We're not going to answer it now, it's just to kind of float it out. There is comparison, however, it's showing up in your romantic relationships, because we are here, love Across the Pond, talking about romantic relationships, we're also going into the past as well, which I've loved that we've done that today. Is comparison in your romantic relationships the secret you have complicated your life to keep? Is comparison the secret that you've currently complicated your life so that you keep? It's just something to think about, and I think sometimes we do overcomplicate our lives to try and keep something that actually we could be sharing. Actually, we could be exploring in the coaching space with trusted friends, with our partners, with those that we trust.

Speaker 1:

So key takeaways. Lena, you mentioned a little bit about takeaways. Is that your takeaway or are you going with another one a?

Speaker 2:

little bit about a takeaway. Is that your takeaway or are you going with another one? Yeah, honestly it is. It's just a reminder that, just like everything else, it can be used as a tool, and tools can be misused. And so comparison when I am using it from now on, I will be asking myself is this benefiting me or is this hurting me? And if it's hurting me, how can I transition this into something beneficial? That's my takeaway, for sure.

Speaker 1:

Love that, Kenzie. What's come up for you? Oh, that's beautiful.

Speaker 3:

It reminds me. I don't know if you guys have seen this on YouTube or whatevs, but it's like the Matthew McConaughey Oscar speech where he like talks about always chase your like three or three when you're three or not three years old, but like in the next three years, the next five years, next 10 years, always chase that person, never anyone else, but like that next phase of your life. Like you will eat better, you will work out better. Your intention is that longevity piece for you and your family. Like always chase that. You know that next phase of yourself, and so I can also send it to you to put it in the show notes and that's just coming up in so many different ways in my life right now and as a key takeaway, it's just like let's not compare ourselves to others, because that's their journey, right, not yours.

Speaker 3:

So what can you? What can you look at? What can you chase? What can you compare yourself to? And it's that next phase of your life yeah, I.

Speaker 1:

My takeaway is what you did, lena, with your younger self. Instead of thinking about what is it I want to tell them, you said what is it? I want to ask them. And I think that's such an amazing approach, because we know what would you tell your five yearold self, what would you tell your 12? And actually I think we should all change that and we should all say what would you ask them? How would you help them explore where they are at, as we do as coaches? So I've loved that. That was definitely resonated with me. Thank you, everybody for listening into Love Across the Pond. Please do like, share, subscribe, subscribe, pass it on, give us your comments, let us know what your key takeaways are, and we will look forward to seeing you in our next episode bye.

Speaker 2:

Guys, bye.